thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
