if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
