When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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