Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
