I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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