Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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