Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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