Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
