Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
