so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
