what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
