you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
