I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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