he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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