You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
