What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
