(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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