i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
