I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
