Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
