We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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