She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
