Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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