Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
