i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
