that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
