NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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