Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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