I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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