Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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