even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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