I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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