Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
