I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
