Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
