I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
