Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
