im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Panties = found
Randomize
