Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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