Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
