I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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