So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
