Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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