Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
