Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
