Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
