She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
