its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
