I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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