i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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