One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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