I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
