Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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