Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
